Recently I read a book that enchanted me. I fell in love with it. So naturally I read it again. That led to me finding out, more so realizing, a lot and I thought I will write about it as well.
We all have relationships that ends after a while. When I say relationships it includes every type that exists adding to the romantic ones. Like a college classmate with whom you never really hung out but spoke your heart out in the campus. That might have been one of the things you looked forward to everyday. But the same connection is not felt once the college is over and eventually you tend to forget all about it. Have you wondered why? I have too. The loss of contact doesn’t mean the past didn’t mean anything. It’s just that time and distance does that to people.
There’s a kind which is possible mostly in a romantic relationship. Starting something that you know will end. You may meet someone in the most unexpected moment and cross lines that you shouldn’t have. If you are someone like me, then you won’t be counting the number of days left, you’ll be planning to make the memorable. If you’re the other type, then you’ll just worry about what is going to happen when it ends. You choose to cross that line because that person would have made your heart skip a beat or stop your universe for a second, every time you see them. Knowing that someone can’t be your endgame and yet trying to create a memory for a life time. And the heartbreak you feel even after 20 years just by thinking about it and the hate you have towards yourself for wanting them even after 20 years.
This reminds me of a few lines from the poem “An Eye, Open” by Paul Celan.
Aching depth of the eyeball:
the lid
does not stand in its way, the lash
does not count what goes in.
The tear, half,
the sharper lens, movable,
brings the images home to you.
There are also consequences for yielding into “one last time”. The people who meant the most once will cease to exist in real life except in our memories. Memories fade too. There’s also losing a best friend because of a silly fight or a weird conspiracy and then wondering were they even your friend? That one uncle in the family who is never invited to anything, though everyone talks about him not being invited. Biding good-bye to someone after a lot of crazy fun and fights for some time, because after a while you realized that it was more about their fun and not your’s. Moving on from those good byes are the hardest. And the most difficult separation? when two of you best friends break up after being relationship goals for years and you have third wheeled them forever, you can’t choose one of them. It’s like you also went through a breakup somehow and realizing that the three of you won’t be together in the same room anymore in this lifetime. It sucks.
Apparently all this is called life and it happens for a reason; We should look forward and keep moving on. This is what I found out from reading that book. Biding goodbye to people we love is life? I can probably never come to terms with this. But that can’t be avoided right?
A new start 